Monday, August 07, 2006

Well alllllrighty then.....

We won't even go into friday night..... suffice it to say I was in bed by 10 and asleep by 10:15.

Saturday I thought it would be a good idea to work off what made me in bed by 10 on a friday at the gym by running a couple miles.... yeah apparently that was not a good idea. Thankfully an iced latte quickly alleviated the situation as I walked back to my condo in the sublime weather. Not one to waste a fantastic day I decided to lay out on my roofdeck in the same shorts I wore to the gym with a good book and my grotto's novelty thermal mug full of delectable libation.

I might have laid out too long without the assistance of sunscreen. That may have been a bad choice. I may be regretting that now. Although since I'll be at the beach this coming weekend a base tan/burn is pretty much required, and I'm very much healed.... although saturday night and sunday the term "rock lobster" may have been thrown about.

Saturday night and I traversed to yet another straight bar in the city with a bunch of friends and enjoyed the spoils of an open bar which is glorious and economically efficient!! However at said bar a trend that started on thursday has been continued in what can only be termed as a trend of craziness.

Picture it, I'm talking to a lady, as I do, in the hallway between two of the bars in the establishment. A group containing a busted gay gentleman and his 5' tall hag walk by. The hag, winds up in apparently was only described as a three stooges maneuver and slaps me square on the butt. I whip around with the speed of a hummingbird on coke with my eyes ablaze with the fury of a thousand suns and she immediately looks like I've got a gun pointed directly at her pock-marked face and I said.... "I'm sorry, what the hell was that and who the f*ck are you?" To which she started stammering and said "oh I'm sooo sorry, I just really wanted to touch your butt." I went on to describe in no uncertain terms why that was A) inappropriate and B) not going to get her anywhere. However, I do know that if you need your hag to inappropriately hit on guys that you have no chance with then I'm betting you're single and staying that way.

The next person that does something like that gets a fresh one to the face.... I'm tired of this bs.

6 comments:

Polt said...

I guess this is one of the downsides of having a pinchable, slapable, perky lil ass, eh?

Oh, the crosses we are forced to bear.

jimbo said...

Whoa! Damn, you make me look like Mother Theresa. I get that a lot too, but I then warn them that my butthole has teeth and they might lose a hand if they do that again.
>; )

Dale said...

Polt: I honestly believe there is nothing significant about my hindquarters that bears un-invited molestation but apparently they speak for themselves.

Jimbo: I just don't understand the logic behind it... is that supposed to entice and or excite me in some way? no thank you!!

Dop said...

I've had this problem for a few years - women coming up and just grabbing my chest, thinking that its completely allowed and fine for them to do so. They completely change their tune when I grab there's back and squeeze the shiznit out of them. Followed up with a quick, "How do YOU like it?" and they stand in awe.

jimbo said...

No, no entice, just advice. People tend to shrink away when you tell them your butt has teeth. It's very effective against anyone don't want who is touching your butt.

DC Cookie said...

Didn't make it out to JRs because about 5 minutes after you left BHH, some of my co-workers showed up and I had to entertain. Good to know you weren't crying on a bar stool waiting for us ;-)

Raincheck?