Thursday, August 24, 2006

Double Trouble

Darlings, something was brought to our regal attention this morning that necessitates sharing with y'all. One of my friends (Sebastian) forwarded me this article by ABC news on the predictions of an impending draft in this little "situation" that our "president" has us involved in. Now don't ask don't tell being what it is, you might think that we of the more sparkly persuasion would be safe from harm.... but I'm thinking that Bushy will be doing away with that one and looking for any warm body to fill a pair of combat boots.

Now, in discussing with Sebastian about this issue he posed that there would be all gay units a la tuskeegee airmen and 442nd fame.... and the thought immediately jumped into my head of "Operation Get Behind the Darkies" and this lady won't be having any of that mess.

If we were to have all gay units however, and I'm assuming they'd be co-ed I have come up with several strategies that hopefully would keep us all in one piece while we were forced to listen to our "fearless leader"

Operation Vaginal Fury: Our Sapphic sisters would be on the front lines of this one. Nothing says scared crapless like a muslim man who has spent his whole life subjugating women being faced with a female who has biceps bigger than his thigh carrying an ak-47 with a bayonet on the tip. These lovely ladies would be closely followed by our drag queen contingent.... who, while having an average height of about 6'7" with heels and wig, would be able to handle any stragglers that the lovely lesbians left behind.

Operation Marry a European: This one's pretty self explanatory..... let's see... mass weddings in spain in Tenerife or Gran Canaria??? Or perhaps La Cote D'Azur??Anyone?? I call dibs on preferrably a Gentleman of similar social rank so I can there-forthwith be known as Princess Consort [Dale] of hereford-lancaster-shire and Sweden and DC, Queen of the Realm and defender of the Gin.

Operation Happy Hour: Now I know that the muslim world bars the consumption of alcohol but how many of those soldiers you think has a little nippy poo stashed away somewhere??? I for damn sure would if I had to look like that 24/7 without an aesthetician on speed dial. Anyways this plan pretty much centers around challenging them to a drinking contest which they will obviously accept because what chauvinist doesn't fancy themselves a better drinker than a light in the loafers queen???? that's when we drink them under the table and when they're all passed out we tie them up.... and I know some of you S&M queens out there know your way around a rope and some chains.....

We could also.... I dunno.... withdraw from Iraq in entirety.... but then what would he have to blame the ills of the world on??? and Pat Robertson already blamed Katrina on the gays...

No comments: