Friday, August 04, 2006

Friday Five..... bye bye week HELLO weekend!!!

1). It always makes me laugh when non-district drivers try to play the "lets switch lanes lots of times because that will make me able to get to my destination so much faster than everyone else" game. It makes me laugh because then you look over at the other DC drivers who are just cruising along with the same thought in their heads. "B*tch, you aint gonna get where you going any faster than the rest of us, just slow up and stop acting a fool, yes the metro bus will cut you off... deal with it."

2). I ended my 6 week hiatus of going out to gay bars last night with a sojourn to JR's. What happened?? A man who was legitimately a midget meaning less than 5 feet tall, walked past me and grabbed my bum to which my friends lauged heartily and asked me why I didn't give him the stare of death or yell at him the way I do to people who aren't "little people." I replied with.... "well if my butt was eye level with me I'd probably want to touch it too, besides, hasn't the baby jesus punished that man enough?"

3). I saw a bumper sticker that read "I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay." I wanted to get out of my car, go up to that woman, make her roll down her window and smack her with my jewel-encrusted hand. There's being proud, and then there's being tacky. I'm a big fan of the "hate is not a family value" genre of pride bumper stickers, and you can be as rainbow-tacular as you see fit, but don't have dumb sayings on your car that are an effort to support my civil liberties.... I will cut you.

4). Tourist season is almost over for a while!!!! I pray each night to the baby jesus that they all get their fanny packs stolen and return to Kansas or wherever they hail from with stories of the 'big city' and how horrible it is and how noone should EVER visit. PS, I don't mind international tourists, it really is true that americans are the loudest most obnoxious people on god's green earth.

5). I like using the terms Dollars to doughnuts, PS, and now incorporating Sugar tits into my vernacular....

"PS, I'm gonna bet dollars to doughnuts that sugartits over there goes home with that busted guy in the corner" use it as you see fit.


The Boy said...

Usually these weevey cars have tinted windows and sound like there is a totally bangin' day-clubber dance party going on inside.

I like when these people get stuck behind people turning left. It does my little heart good.

Taylor said...

and maybe they'll be the victim of speed cams ... that'll show 'em.

i have been known to emit the term "sweet tits" before to get a rise out of ladies.

Robbie said...

And here I thought I was the only person in D.C. who used "dollars to doughnuts" frequently.

By the way, Baby Jesus rocks! I wish all those fanny-pack-toting interlopers would stop making him cry.

Dale said...

The Boy: I like it even more when they go in the right lane to avoid the left turners and get stuck behind a bus. it's a sweet sweet thing.

Taylor: I know, they all deserve tickets...ha ha ha ha I get a rise out of ladies by calling them fat...but your way works too.

Robbie: I love dollars to doughnuts as well as many other obscure sayings, I think it's a MD thing. Yeah tourists suck something awful...good riddance.

TOS said...

There is nothing worse than 100+ degree heat and tourists in fanny packs switching lanes on the metro escalators - EVER SLOWER than usual...


jimbo said...

Lucky you...I can't even get a midget to grab my ass in a bar.