I'm pretty sure about a couple of things, the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot and the Grassy Knoll not-withstanding......
I'm pretty sure that last night on Project Runway Michael Kors couldn't find his mother so he had Karl Lagerfeld dress up in drag and pretend to be icy and german, which is obviously a stretch for a man that thinks nazi leather is the fabric of our lives much like cotton. Let's review the evidence
Here we have Michael and his "Mother" aka K-Lag
And here we have Karly-Karl....... and can't you hear him giving birth to Michael Kors....
Karl: [in deep german] I am over this whole "creating life" thing. It's so last season
Nurse: Mr. Lagerfeld, it's a beautiful Baby boy... you should name it Michael Kors!!!
Karl: (Looks at Baby) it's kind of fat, go get some coke from one of my models and put some stormtrooper boots on that thing, I want her ready for my fall show.
Nurse: But.... it's a boy, and he can't walk yet.
Karl: I'm over you (whips out fan and b*tch smacks nurse with it)
The other conspiracy theory I've got brewing is that I think that at my gym there are people who are paid by the governing company just to go and stand around to either make the gym seem more attractive/athletic, or to make the patrons feel bad enough about themselves so that they either whip themselves into shape or stop going but continue to pay their dues. I have yet to see any of them actually work out, instead of standing around looking at themselves in the mirror.....not that I haven't been sneaking a peek myself. However I've developed a great solution to foil their plans to influence me...... I leave my glasses in the lockerroom..... which probably would have been a better plan had I not walked into not one, but two machines yesterday..... I bet I looked real slick..... that'll show those bastards.