Thursday, August 10, 2006

Intervention.... DC Style

I heart heart HEART the show Intervention...... whomever came up with the idea to make crack addicts more entertaining than watching them pee on themselves in Dupont needs to be commended. PS watching it while having a nice martini makes me a little uncomfortable but a little satisfied at the same time.

However, I believe the scope of this show is a little narrow for my tastes.... therefore I would like to make it more applicable to the Gay-DC lifestyle.... the topics I would like to address are:

The gentleman that only drinks libations that are fuschia, orange, pink, or aqua colored in martini glasses: Lady.... you are not on sex and the city and your name is not Samantha Jones. The drinks that you are pouring down your throat, while may coordinate with your outfit du jour, make you look like a tool. You are also not a woman who enjoys sipping arbor mist by the ocean. This intervention would consist of REAL martinis and shots of jameson and/or beer.... and if michelob ultra light is brought out god help whomever supplied that heinous substance. *I would just like to note that I'm about as close to butch as Sally Struthers is to a Jenny Craig... so for me to dictate such things obviously denotes a dire need*

The gentleman whose idea of a pickup line is dropping the name of whatever senator/office he works for as if that makes up for the fact that he's squat and busted: Sir.... I'm pretty, I'm not dumb, my IQ doesn't match my waist size thanks. I understand you work for a Senator and have an inflated job title and ego. Thank you for serving my country. If you want to talk to someone please start it off with something other than talking about inane appropriations bills and how integral you were in the implementation of memoranda A-Q. I don't care. Also.... using big words and endless acronyms in a city like DC to impress people is a waste of time so please refrain. This intervention would probably just involve a jewel-encrusted slap to the face and a forceful "STOP IT....BAAAAAAD GAY."

The Gentleman who apparently spends all his free time exposing every possible part of his skin to the sun and then goes tanning at night: Hi friend..... last time I checked you weren't Hawaiian, Tahitian, or even Brazilian..... the fact that your skin now matches your kenneth cole knockoff loafers is not, I repeat NOT a positive thing. Not only does the deep contrast to your pastel polo which is inevitably popped make you look a wee bit touched with the downs, but it makes those of us who are naturally olive skinned irate at the fact that you have tried to emulate our look and horribly horribly gone astray. Be proud of your pastiness.... I hear it's the new hotness in Canada. This intervention would be in a treatment facility without windows and tanning products along with group sessions to discover the inner caucasian within.

I feel my additions could really spice up the A&E channel.....

1 comment:

Scott said...

While this is more of a "real" intervention, do you have a recommendation for those who have the coke head "snorts"? I find it repulsive to constantly hear those mo's that participate in alternative activities sucking the snot back into their heads while generally twitching. Just wrong.