Wednesday, August 02, 2006

What does your gym say about you???

Ballys: You have recently or do live in the dirty dirty vag. You may or may not work for defense. You like to work alongside or are, people who are busted and ashamed to go to a gym where people don't look like science experiments. You are also wicked cheap and refuse to pay the 12 bucks it would be additionally to join elsewhere. You are also a chump because you signed your life away for multiply years to a busted gym.

*Note* : I at one time belonged to Ballys, in fact according to contractual obligations that shall never be mentioned in my precense, I still do. Sometimes I think about it and die a little bit on the inside.

Results: Also known as Resluts. This location, at least the 16th st. locale is a disco ball away from being a not too shabby gay dance club. This gym is the only gym I've ever been to that has hosted it's own fashion show *rolls eyes.* This gym says about you that either you live on the Hill and are therefore relegated to have nary many choices or enjoy beeing seen while you work out close to the runway. You probably carry hair product and tweezers in your gym bag and always look around before you do that extra 'rep.'

WSC: Obviously the classiest choice for the young professional. This gym says, that's right, I live in DC, I'm no nonsense, and I wanna go in and get out and please don't talk to me because I have my iPod earphones on and I'm thinking about things that are much more important than whatever you have to say to me. K Thanks Bye.

Golds: You have big muscles and use words like 'reps' and 'free weights' and 'spotting.' If you go to Golds you may or may not have a neck and biceps that are larger than my thigh. You people scare me.

Boutique Gyms: There seem to be a couple sprouting up around Dupont and Admo.... these say you are a chump because you joined a gym that has one location and probably sub par equipment.

6 comments:

Hateful, Party of One said...

Congrats on your latest Express mention.

However on the Bally's comment, you forgot one thing... you forgot about the creepy trolls that think a workout consists of them entering the gym, going to the sauna/ steam room, going to the shower to leer at the younger more attractive clientele and then back to the sauna... repeat for about three hours, then call it a good workout.

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

Fitness First: You live in DC and you're dead broke and this was the cheapest gym around. Or you live in the suburbs and you're dead broke. Basically you're homeless and can't afford anything else. Or a cheap ass.

Also, I have to say in re: boutique gyms...I think Mint in AdMo is pretty sweet and that Vida Fitness they are putting downtown (and eventually Logan) seems nice. I wouldn't pay their prices, but Logan Circle definitely could use a few gym options. I can't believe WSC hasn't found a location near Logan Circle yet.

Dale said...

Hateful: Thanks! and yeah.... creepy trolls were the reason I didn't want to shower at any Ballys locations

Carrie: Ew there are fitness firsts in DC? Ew. And I think that Mint and Vida are nice, not my choice, but nice. I was more talking about the Body by Smith's and whatever closet of a gym is on 18th and Florida.

Alan said...

You hit WSC right on. Except for the boys at the S Street location that are trying to build themselves up so they can "be seen" at Resluts once they have muscle.

You got mentioned in Express? Again? I am bitter. Congrats.

jimbo said...

Signing up with Bally's is like selling your soul to Jerry Springer. And there was a troll wankin' in every shower stall there. And they will never stop hounding you if you sign up with them.

Results on the hill is actually one of the finest gyms in DC for the money.

Conversely, Sports Clubs LA is waaay overpriced, but that's what the patrons go there for - exclusivity. However, they do have soft water showers, and expressly ban cell phone use on the gym floor, which is awesome.

The Random Marine said...

You know, you can sell that Bally's contract to some other poor chump...I mean "beginning fitness enthusiast..." and not only get some of your money back on it but also never owe them anything ever again. Put it on Craigslist, it'll be gone in a week.