Thursday, August 18, 2005

Another Chance? or Kicked to the Curb?

Ok.... So I am at a dilemma and for once I'm not sure what to do. Years and countless past experiences have taught me to be a cold-jaded-aloof homosexual male as per the usual. However there's a nagging part of me that is second guessing myself and I'm not sure why. So here's the situation.

I started dating Mr.X a couple months ago, right around memorial day, we met, hit it off, and were having a great time. Now Mr. X looks GREAT on paper, he's got a great job, his friends are nice, he's good looking, and he has the conversational skills that many men in DC are unfortunately lacking. But he kept wanting to "keep things casual." This phrase was to pepper the first six weeks of our relationship, which is fine. Casual is good, I like casual, it was the beginning of summer and I wasn't trying to be tied down in any real and binding way, such as having a bf will do.

We started attending benefits together, we'd meet his friends out for swanky drinks, not the HH specials at Tom Tom and Bar Crawls in AdMo like I'm used to, we started being really couple-y, so I figured this was segueing itself into a relationship. I decided at that point that I was ok with the evolution and would just play it by ear, after all this was a nice, cute, funny, and intelligent guy. BTW at no point in this relationship had the deal been sealed... I may be cheap but I'm sure as hell not easy.

Suddendly he got really busy at work, he was up for a new promotion and was very work-oriented. I'm also ok with that, I am also very work oriented, it just so happens that currently there's not a lot of work at my job to orient myself to. However, after that he just stopped calling.

I didn't press the issue, maybe he lost interest, it happens, I wasn't going to moan the loss... I had bigger things to think about like moving, going to the beach, you know...important things.

HOWEVER, this morning he IM's me from out of the blue, asking if I wanted to get together to "talk".... I said I was busy because...... I'm busy.... and if he needed to say something he better type it out or wait until september when I can pencil him in.

He says that he was afraid of getting close to me because he just got out of a bad relationship before we started dating and he thought that I deserved better than "damaged goods." About what a mistake that was and if we could start dating again and how great I was, how I "got him" blah blah blah. Now my first instinct is to say.... F* you, I'm over and done with you, chopstick click!! But there's the nagging suspicion, which has been corroborated by several friends who met and really liked him (my friends are VERY choosy about my gentleman friends) who argue that I may be too hasty in throwing away a guy that had problems but is upfront about it and genuinely likes me and may be a good choice considering my abysmal dating record...... hmmmm what's a guy to do?

16 comments:

A Unique Alias said...

Make him work for it :-)

Kathryn Is So Over said...

chopstick click!!! I LOVE IT

He should have been honest about his "damage" at the time the calls stopped. Waiting so long, then freaking IM'ing you about it is weak, Dale. W-E-A-K.

NEXT!

Dale said...

yeah it's tots weak, however.... still a nice guy so it's harder to make the click stick

DC Cookie said...

Go with your gut. It's the best indicator. If your gut is telling you that he deserves a chance, give it. If your gut is telling you the bridge is already burned, then don't build a new one. Gut instincts are key. He might be genuine, he might not be. You dated him for long enough that you should know instinctively what he's doing here.

Kathryn Is So Over said...

I know, I've definitely been there. Let's hope he turns it around and becomes Fall Boyfriend material, then.

Claire said...

give him another chance. but make sure that you hold the reigns this time.

Dale said...

yes, we shall see... I'm definitely keeping my options open this time around. I just keep hearing that old addage "trick me once shame on you, trick me twice shame on me"

Dale said...

Also.... with his coloring he goes so well with my fall color scheme...and as we all know, getting a man that matches your clothes is a find... a find...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Boy said...

This person was seeing someone else.......or interested in somone else.

Then that didn't work out, and they remembered that you were pretty cool.

Umm....I would go with the flow and use him as much as possible, because it will unfortuantely probably happen again.

oo....sorry, I'm kinda b*tchy today.

Complacent Chase said...

Yeah, it does sound kind of suspect. But I agree with DC Cookie...go with your gut.
Good luck.

mixin' vixen said...

oh. sweet. goodness.
i'm sorry but i'm stealing this as my motto: "I may be cheap but I'm sure as hell not easy."

and i concur with everyone else...trust that gut.

Dale said...

boy... ouch but yes the thought had crossed my mind, so yes I probably will end up deciding to use him for the happy hours at the ritz that he's so fond of until the bottom drops out.... operation emotional detachment is underway.

Polt said...

Go with your gut, good advice. I'd just add that, if your friends are rather picky about whom they like with you, and they liked this guy, maybe that's something to factor in as well. Maybe give it another try, but as Claire said, make sure you're in control this time. If it doesn't work, oh well, no big loss. But if you don't try again, won't you always wonder, what if?

just my two cents....

Dale said...

Polt, I definitely agree with you, however this time around I think that keeping him at arms length emotionally will be the best bet, no muss no fuss type of situation...

Miss M: I love that quote, for some reason I attribute that one to Ms. Dolly Parton... along with... "It takes a lot of money to look this cheap!!"

JP said...

Alright, here's the thing. You said that you never "sealed the deal", and which means that you weren't exactly picking out china patterns or something similar. You clearly enjoy spending time with him and he hasn't been a complete proctologists wet dream. If there's chemistry and and you feel like he deserves the benefit of the doubt, then give it to him. If in your heart of hearts, you feel like he's treating you like "the lovely copy of the home version", then don't waste your time, but who knows it might just work out...