Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Sassy Summer 2k5: A Retrospective

As Summer winds itself to an end one tends to look back and review the times, both good and bad, and what one has gained from such experiences.

Housing:

Dale : As few of you know, I emigrated from the Commonwealth of Oppression otherwise known as Virginia or as my friends T+A refer to it "Guadala-arlington" to Chocolate City into a fantastic rowhouse a stone's throw from the Capitol building. Living with any new people takes getting used to and moving from living with two passive agressive miserable b*&ches to living with two straight boys takes some adjusting, but I look forward to all the roomie bonding that will ensue, and lower levels of drama....there will be only ONE queen of this castle!!

Chip: After spending a year in the all too tranquil upper northwest, I decided to move into an apartment on the corner of Gay Avenue and Homo Blvd. Although still developing an immunity to the bitchy queens that are always all up in my piece at Whole Foods, the move has been quite pleasant, for I now save lots of money on cab fare, and weather permitting, am able to enjoy a lovley walk to work each day.

Friends:

Dale: Unfortunately one of the heinous passive aggressive bi*&#es used to be my best friend, which is a shame because we met in the 2nd grade and in college started the tradition of getting each other tiffanys jewelery for their birthdays every year.... ah well c'est la vie. I may have lost that one friend but I've met a lot of really cool people, through T+A, through Chip, through the random events that make up my life. Road trips with Chip all summer have been bomb.com and I'm very optimistic about many MANY more fun times to come.

Chip: Uh, I still have them?

Family:

Dale: My family is a hodge podge of crazy ass crazies, Beach 2k5 episodes 1 and 2 was as colorful as ever with my mother wanting to know when I was going to meet a "nice boy from a nice family" and then suggesting that my godmother set me up with a guy from 'C' Country Club, where apparently she is going to spearhead the attempt for me to have my reception there..... Read: I have no boyfriend, I'm single like whoah..... mommas just crazy, and drunk... did I mention drunk? I can't wait till thanksgiving when my extended family descends on my parents' house, gets a couple cases of wine deep and then sits around while everyone tries to coherently discuss whose genes on which side of the family made me gay..... is it any wonder I drink??

Chip: While experiencing Dale's family will either cost me a trip to Betty Ford or lots of therapy (or possibly both), I was also able to spend a week with my parents relaxing at the Jersey shore. Unfortunately, my sister was unable to attend, but she is planning a visit to DC sometime this fall with the gf (that's right, two gay kids in one family, we're a double threat!). Updates sure to come...

Relationships:

Dale: Summer loving 2k5 hasn't really worked out like I planned, but then again what ever really does? I've definitely become more proactive over the course of the summer by telling ex 1 from hell that he would no longer be allowed to contact me and that he could shove it (along with a host of expletives and spreading a rumor that he had the clap but that's beside the point), and telling the most recent ex... ex2 aka S2H that his behavior was unbecoming of a gentleman and I would no longer be socializing with him. Fall is just around the corner.... who knows what it'll bring??

Chip: Santa Fe? "He Whose Name We Do Not Speak Of"? "Steve"? Mixed reviews on this front, but definitely eventful!

Personal: Plan be spontaneous has definitely put Chip and Dale in some very funny situations this summer which include.....

Dale:
-participating in the bachelor auction for Pride and planting my friends (Chip + T+A) in the crowd to up the amount of money I went for.... and then having said friends actually win and end up stiffing the drag queen running the show.... and then afterwards getting a little intoxicated and making out with a guy who's a dead ringer for Mr. Clean ha ha ha

-while on a mission to get mine and Chip's friend some ass, being a total and complete bitch to another girl who was trying to mack on the same guy.... in hindsight I don't blame her for trying but she was trying to dance with the big dogs and she lost.....she lost big.

-Pole dancing at multiple locations throughout the summer, whatever it's good cardio.

-Telling Chip he couldn't dance with some guy at pride when we were both Shwasted because apparently my argument was.... ew you can't dance with him... He's BI!!!

-Having our elected spokeswoman for the summer be Ms. Kelly Clarkson specifically with 'since you been gone' and 'behind these hazel eyes'

Chip:
-"winning" Dale at the JR's Pride bachelor auction but peacing the F out before we had to pay (I was really just trying to jack up Dale's going price, but I got a little overzealous it seems)

-Threatening some guy's life who was talking to Dale, only to have this guy think I was flirting with him! What's flirtatious about "if you f*ck with Dale, I'll slit your throat?"

-WAY too many hours spent in Ikea!

-Soundtrack to all things Chip 'n Dale is, and will remain, Coldplay.

So cheers to you summer, glad to have met you and we shall see you next year.... One last Hurrah at Rehomo this weekend and then it's time to break out the light weight cashmere sweaters, Watch out fall, here come Chip and Dale!!!!!!

7 comments:

R2K said...

Hi from NYC!

R2000

Complacent Chase said...

Sounds like you guys had a great summer! Oh, and how can you go wrong with Coldplay providing the soundtrack?

Asian Mistress said...

1. Dancing on poles is hot AND good cardio! I approve - and I would join!
2. Kelly Clarkson is so underrated. I rock out to Behind These Hazel eyes - especially the remix! I even know straight boys who secretly love her!
3. I hear that the hot new thing for men right now is the cashmere cardigan from Banana Republic - I think it has a zipper. It's sold out even ONLINE. So a whole lotta men are gonna be all B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Dop said...

How I spent my summer vacation:
1) Several trips to my new home in Chicago - to which I finally move on 10/1.
2) Avoiding ex-boyfriend
3) Having chest cracked open like a locks platter at a bris.
That pretty much sums it up.

aklsdjhfa said...

Dale and I are both very big fans of Ms. Clarkson (although, whoever let her go blonde should be fired!). Thanks for the heads up on the cardigans, I'm sure they'll be all over the place in a few weeks!

Dop -
1) Sweet! I have always heard nothing but great things about Chicago.
2) Necessary evil, we've all been there.
3) YIKES!! Hope the recovery is going well!

Dale said...

DOP:

1) Congratulations on the move! Never been to chicago but hear great things!

2)Haven't we all...

3)Cardio-Thoracic surgery is never fun but it seems like you got whatever it is you needed taken care of. Speedy Recovery Wishes!

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