Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Memoirs.....of a GAY-sha

Is there a new faction of gay society that acts in a manner that parallels the Geisha of old Japan, pretty coyly smiling coquettes plying men with the smallest bat of their eyes?? This faction transcends race, so all you rice queens can stop chomping at the bit. And just so were all clear, Geisha are not prostitutes, because there is OBVIOUSLY a section of gay men I could call whores....yup pretty much the greater part of them.

1). Geisha are skilled in dance, singing, conversation, and are expected to drink if offered a drink by their male patrons: Gay men stereotypically can dance better than their straight counterparts owing in large part to musical theater (I was a dancer at a club while living abroad, and no not a stripper), Singing is also attributed to musical theater, and I have yet to meet a mary that will turn down a drink from a guy if he is anywhere near decent.

2). Geisha use very subtle methods to flirt with men: As Chip will undoubtedly support I'm a big fan of eye sex or "cheer sex" as it was described in the oscar winning film 'bring it on.' I participate in the coy flirting as opposed to the brazen...."so what's your sign?" Bat eyes, smile, look away, look back, bat eyes, smile, and repeat. I've noticed I'm not the only one playing eye sex from across a crowded room..... there are more direct methods of flirting but those are generally reserved for the drunk and/or old and/or ugly and/or fat.

3). Geisha play the coy/helpless card a lot: Now I don't know why this is and I don't like it, but I seem to attract guys that seem to think that I need taking care of. I guess I give off the sense that not all my pistons are firing or that I'm just not really up to snuff in the intelligence department. I also know that I'm not the only one and definitely not the only one that's been approached by men in business suits that think that because I'm young I need someone to take care of me... I'm sorry but I think I just heard Kelly Clarkson and Ms. Independent playing somewhere.....

4) Geisha play dumb, they play dumb like WHOAH: Now I wouldn't say that I 'play dumb' necessarily, but I don't accentuate things that might make me sound very intelligent, that's not for any motive, but I find it pretentious when people make a big deal out of what they do or what they got their degree in. For instance when someone asks what I majored in having recently graduated college I'll say sciences instead of Molecular Biology, it sounds less nerdy. This time honored method of flirting allows the other gentleman to take the opportunity to feel like he's the top dog and in control of the situation when in actuality you speak four languages, studied things he could never hope of pronouncing, and are the youngest person in a Health related research facility..... but he doesn't have to know that ;)

5) Pretty clothes in bright colors: The polo/jean combo is the new kimono and the ribbon belt the new obi, and don't even front like every mary reading this doesn't have some combination of the aforementioned outfit because I've seen you out, and you do!

So in conclusion.... I believe that there exists in DC gay community a small but distinct faction of gay men that I would consider 'gaysha.' Now I'm not sure if I fit into this category but that's a topic for another time :)

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is by far the most worthless blog I have ever seen.

Anonymous said...

This is by far the most worthless blog I have ever seen.

Dale said...

well it's not for your amusement anonymous it's for mine, so don't read it if you don't want to...watch me not lose sleep over it...

Dudley said...

yo momma was pretty worthless too, but you don't see me writing anything about it . . . well until now anyway . . .

Complacent Chase said...

Well, I for one LOVE this blog.
I think Chip and Dale are fantastic.
I love reading your stories and views. :-)

Dale said...

Why thank you Chase and Dudley, I for one enjoy your blogs IMMENSELY

Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I (heart) this blog too... you guys crack me up!

The Boy said...

You guys always make me laugh.

So, when are we doing that happy hour in the gayborhood?

A Unique Alias said...

Do Geisha play dumb? I thought part of their training is to learn music, dance, politics, et cetera. I know lots of gay guys who play dumb . . .

it doesn't suit them.

DC Cookie said...

Not to mention, did you see the hottie who is slated to play the Chairman in the upcoming screen version of 'Memoirs of a Geisha?' Ken Watanabe...sigh!!

Dale said...

Unique: I think I may have used the wrong terminology... "dumb" is the incorrect word, I think coy and seemingly submissive is the better one, and yes me too, I don't 'play dumb' necessarily but I don't want to come across more intimidating than is necessary.

Boy: Happy hour...hmm umm I will have to consult with Chip on that one, we won't be around this friday night (I have to go to philly to get my car and he's being a pal and coming along) but maybe sometime next week?? anyone already have plans?

Oh, that girl. said...

my sister worked at barnes and noble, and someone came in and ask where they had copies of: Memoirs of a Gay Chef. (he meant geisha).