Tuesday, August 23, 2005

My life..... an adventure in disasters

Now.... ok... saying I'm accident prone/disaster prone is an understatement as Chip will no doubt support. During the time we'eve been friends he has definitely heard me say "hmmm I wonder how I cut myself there" or "hmm I didn't notice that bruise before" more times than is humanly possible for any one person, NOTE: (I'm still milking all the sympathy I can out of the scar on my inner thigh that I got from helping Chip move.... seriously though, it looks like I was in a knife fight)

Anyways, this cloud o' personal annoyances came to a thunderous head sunday night when we were SUPPOSED to be coming back home.

After a fantastic surf n' turf provided by Mrs. Chip (his mom) we loaded up my car lezzie (Buick Lesabre) and prepared to go, we had our maps, we had our refreshments, and I had a details magazine with Matthew fox making googly eyes at me on the cover....swoon.

------car won't start... won't respond to coaxing... promises of pine fresh air freshners or my gentle caress. Won't respond to a 12 volt jumpstart either.... this is around 7pm

-Call AAA, they send out a toothless wonder to ponder over my car and actually successfully jumpstarted my car, told me to wait 15 minutes before driving, and left..... by this time Chip has left with another friend to go to Philly to catch a train for work on monday so it's just me and Mr. and Mrs. Chip

- Wait 15 minutes, get into the car after having unloaded and then reloaded all my bags into the car....go to turn on the headlights....car goes dead.

-Recall AAA, they promise someone within an hour... it is now 10 oclock at this point.

- I call AAA after 61 minutes has passed.... guess what? the tow truck that they sent broke the F down and they can't send out another truck

-I do what any level headed person would do in that situation, I go inside, put on my sweatpants, and pour myself a gin and tonic that would stop an elephant in its tracks.

-AAA calls again around 11:45, when I'm pleasantly buzzed, trying to relax, and figuring out how I'm going to finagle my boss Monday morning. They ask if I still want my car towed to Philadelphia that night (I figured I needed a train station to get back to DC on) and I said yes, then they ask me if I'm riding with the driver or following him.... I laugh and say, I'm sorry what? yeah apparently they need someone with them, I figured they'd deal with that themselves, isn't that what AAA does???? that's what I get for growing up spoiled. So I refuse their offer and say I'll wait till the morning

-Morning comes, so does the tow truck guy, who, after yelling at me for having it towed all the way to Philly reluctantly hooks my behemoth of a car up and we proceed to go. Now the man isn't exactly couth as I would classify him and soon I'm hearing about his f#%$# of a friend (rhymes with maggot) and his B*&/h of an ex wife and a host of problems that he has with rich people that go to the beach... as I'm silently praying he wasn't noticing my lacoste polo, my diesel jeans, or my festive ribbon belt....along with the assorted tiffanys jewelery I was wearing, hmmm probably should have toned it down.

-also, we made the trip in record time as we were going 85 mph the entire way and...oh that's right... he had no seatbelts... the only thing that calmed me down was a marlboro light and a coffee from wawa.

-dropped the car off at the place, they say they'll call me with what needs to be done, and I'm in a cab on my way to the train station.... situate myself in the train station while I play a game in my head which I like to call.... "If there were a natural disaster and we were all that was left, who would I have sex with??" after that I got on the train and got myself back to DC where I thought my troubles had ended...... I was mistaken.

-I decided to do laundry and eat a little something before kickball fun, so I put a load of clothes in the washing machine, then I decide to pack my bag for kickball.... shoes, water, wallet for the bar afterwards, socks, obligatory flair.... and then in the process of respectably coiffing my hair, when I realized I don't know where my phone is. I check my bag, check the charger..... then I hear it, the grinding of plastic against metal in the washing machine.... I had laundered my phone.

.........the saving grace of yesterday was kickball where we dominated all types of ways, including a kick in the nuts by one of our players to a guy on the other team, my nickname for the game being "junior high" (we all had 'awkward' nicknames like "camel toe" or "itchy balls" or "landlord without pants") I actually scored a run, I'm guessing that event may not happen too often so I'm basking in the glory while I can. Also, the diner was deelish...DEElish....

-I am now carless, and phoneless..... I am so amish right now.

9 comments:

Polt said...

OH, man, sorry about all the problems...had me chuckling though, my trips usually include some sort of crisis as well.

But this part: [while I play a game in my head which I like to call.... "If there were a natural disaster and we were all that was left, who would I have sex with??"] had me laughing and laughing cause every time I go to DC and take the Metro, I do EXACTLY the same thing in my head!
Great minds think alike!

PS, i discovered it's best to pay AAA the extended member benefits, cause if you don't, you're gonna have to pay a huge towing bill (like say from Germantown MD, back to South Central PA)

Claire said...

My roomie and I have become completely addicted to your blog...f-ing hilarious. Sorry about your troublesome trip...

claire...

Dale said...

ha ha ha it's allright, I wasn't stranded, I was staying in a GORGEOUS house on the bay, Chips parents are bomb.com, and there was more gin than you could shake a stick at..... but I do think I'm overdue for a REALLY good day. Just found out my boss is in Africa for two weeks....things are looking up!!

Complacent Chase said...

Glad you made it back in one piece!
Personally, I would have been seriously scared of the tow truck guy.

Jeff said...

Next time, change the alternator. Would have saved you alot of headache...then again, that's what gin is for I reckon.

Dale said...

Jeff, aren't you sweet that you think I know what an alternator is. I don't even know how to change the oil in my car, actually.... until this happened I didn't know how to open up the hood....

Oh, that girl. said...

I just shot my coffee through my nose. GIVE ME MORE BIG BOY!

Dudley said...

God love yah, you big mess, don't ever change!

Dale said...

Thanks Dud's! yeah interestingly enough everyone that I'm friends with (Dudley, Chip etc.) are not suprised at all by this chain of events.....