Friday, August 19, 2005

How YOU doin.......

Ok so..... I'm a native DC Metro-ian I guess. I was born in Balmer (Baltimore for those not in the know) and grew up in MoCo. Now when summer rolled around for all us kids growing up there were only two things on the schedule, swim team (or diving for me.... 6 hour practices 5 days a week?? thank you!) and the beach. Now when you were talking about the beach you were talking about Delaware.... and the rando occurence of NC beaches, Duck etc. but mostly about the big 3, Rehoboth, Dewey and Bethany. While down at the beach you were most likely going to run into someone from your school, someone from your neighborhood, or someone from swim team so good times all around.

I, for the first time ever in my young queer life, am heading to the NJ shore....... and I'm afraid. I have never stopped in New Jersey on the way to the safe haven of Waspland... also known as New England, where I spent the better part of 4 years getting a degree that's basically useless now. Oh I'm a liar, I stopped once, at the rest station on the NJ turnpike, to pick up a novelty mug which I ended up filling with a bottle of chardonnay and taking it to a party at my friends house (TT) where I watched people jump off her parents balcony into their pool....fun times..

But back to the matter at hand, so I've never been to NJ, and from what I hear, I could probably live a full and productive life without ever going. However Chip and his family invited me and I'm always using an excuse to go to the beach so I will be traversing... Things I expect to see while in NJ

- Guido's...lots of them. I want to see some curly black chest hair with gold chains all nestled, with black square cut swimwear and tacky Fucci (fake gucci, not to be confused with pucci) sunglasses complete with the requisite italian mullet.

- I want to hear someone say "Hey, How YOU doin?" at some point in the trip

- I want to see some tanorexic women with bad bleach jobs wearing a tank top that the bottom has been shredded into fringe with beads hanging from every strand wearing a swimsuit that she obviously bought in the eighties and bad french manicure say something like..... "I don't know what you're Tawwwlking about Vinnie"

- I want to see a mobster..... from far away....who can't see me.

I will of course spend my time on the beach that will obviously be far inferior to the Delaware coast crying that I am not able to get Grotto pizza, go to Dolle's for some caramel (pronounced Carmel) corn, and walk to the rudder to make fun of the people that fell asleep on the beach, burned the crap out of their faces and proceed to make it all better by drinking their weight in beer.

Also..... side note.... I'm so jealous of my friend BL, she's going with an entire rugby team and staying in the hotel with them while they have a tournament this weekend....and she's going because one of her friends is on the team and they have an "extra space" in the hotel..... if she's smart she'll be offering post game massages....mmmm rugby players. She promised to call me if she needs me to drive down with a wheelchair to get her because sister soul may not be able to walk come sunday....

3 comments:

DC Cookie said...

Where in Jerz? I think you'll find all those things, but I also think you might be pleasantly surprised by some of the quaint scenery.

Also - if Jerz is stereotypically Italian...wouldn't you expect the pizza would top Grotto? Just a thought...

Polt said...

When I was but a wee lad (mid 70's) I went to Ocean City NJ every summer for a week. Much more laid back and family oriented than OC Maryland (Rehomo is just as laid back, but family friendly in an entirely different meaning of the word). Weirdest thing for me was you always had to pay to go on the beach. had to buy a patch to wear on your swimsuit.

Never went to any other part of NJ (well, Atlantic City, but that was on a bus trip....a whoel nuther story that). Only thing I remember about the rest of NJ is that we always drove by this nudist colony there, that had a large wooden fence surrounding it. I had my face plastered to the window hoping for a portion of it to have fallen in. Geez, the things you remember....

ANYWAY....have a good time, I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

Complacent Chase said...

Have fun!