Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Public Service Announcement

While enjoying a casual beer with Dale at JR's last night, I was reminded of a troubling trend within the gay community: Goatees. (I am aware that it's not a 'gay' phenomenon, for the record.)

Goatees DO not qualify as any of the following: cute, attractive, hot, etc.

PLEASE do us all a favor and immediately take one of the following two actions:

1) Shave off your goatee
2) If you're partial to facial hair (Dale knows I am, from time to time) grow a full beard! Beards look more accomplished than goatees on multiple levels.

A final note, if you're ever considering purchasing a shirt that reads, "I do things you're afraid to fantasize about," stop, put down the shirt and proceed to the nearest exit of whichever retail location in which you find yourself.

Small details such as these will make life for all much more enjoyable.

20 comments:

Dale said...

Chip definitely enjoys himself a little bit of the fuzz on his gentleman callers face.... and we were thinking about what this guy could be into that would make him do things we are afraid to fantasize about??? incest? bestiality? pooping? it didn't help that the guy in question was bizzzusssted!!!

Oh, that girl. said...

LMAO!!! ROFL!!!!

Oh, that girl. said...

I'm partial to the redneck stubble ala ryan gossling.

VP of Dior said...

Facial hair on a guy is annoying. Whether it's a 'stash, a beard, or a goatee, it reminds me of icky porn stars.

And may I also suggest a ban on shirts that say "I'm a Keeper." No my friend, you most likely are not a keeper and if you were a trout I would throw you back.

Dale said...

also..... on the way home from JR's, I saw a woman with a bright pink t-shirt whose sleeves had been shredded to form fringe on her shoulders....that is NOT ok...

indecentoffense said...

hahaha, goatees are so unfortunate...it says hi, i'm a 30 year old teacher, the year is 1995 and i sometimes pretend i'm a cast member on Friends.

The Boy said...

I wonder if we saw you guys at JR's last night. I don't know if you left earlier on, but you may have caught the trainwreck outside around midnight.

Dale said...

You very well may have seen us, although prob's not because we were there around 8:30ish as I'm a loser and don't stay out too late on the weeknights.... I was dressed like "sporty spice" as Chip so eloquently put it, with the requisite adidas sweatpants and sleeveless T... I'm sorry but I am not about to get dressed up for J.R.s.....

A Unique Alias said...

I wore a goatee for about eight months. Then I shaved it off. Everyone (seriously, straight and gay, male and female, old and young) told me that I looked much better with than without.

Oh, and I . . . can't grow a beard! *sob*

aklsdjhfa said...

Yeah, I had a goatte for a time in college (sad, but true) and then a full beard for a while thereafter. The beard was useful in attracting a certain type of gay man, but most everyone says I look better without it as well.

Dale said...

Chip tots looks better sans beard, with it he resembled a derange garden gnome... in a very cute kinda way....riiiight...cute....

aklsdjhfa said...

"Hi, my name is Dale, and I never knew Chip when he had a beard. Consequently, any comments comparing him to a derangeD garden gnome are absolutely meaningless. Thanks!"

Dale said...

eww hi, my name is chip and I have pictures of myself with a full beard all over my apartment. Also.. you did look like a christmas special gone retarded so stop diluting yourself.

aklsdjhfa said...

This, coming from a 1/2 European, 1/2 Japanese, former circus member who thinks that just b/c you throw him in a speedo and in the ocean he's J.Lo!

Dale said...

It's true, but whatever I will stand by my carnie days as well as my Love don't cost a thing moments!! Truce?

aklsdjhfa said...

Truce.

Dudley said...

I'm personally a little bit of a fan of the kept scruff. Goatees bad, beards bad (bad flash-backs to crazy Maine rednecks), but trimmed scruff good. There is a gray area of course, given that at a certainly length it looks bohemian sheik, much more than that and it's full on child molester scruff. The problem is there's a certain phase of it where kissing someone with scruff will scratch and chap the hell out of your face, not to mention "other" areas should it progress that far. But if you can grin and bear it, just look at it as a natural exfoliator.

Complacent Chase said...

You guys are too funny!
Personally, beards are a little too much for me.
I like guys that are clean-shaven but if they don't shave for a few days...that's kind of hot, too.

Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

hahahahaha - you guys are too much! Personally, I HATE the full beard. It reminds me of my Mennonite relatives, and just screams boring, kum-by-yah (however the fuck you spell it), touchy feely, damp palms, middle-school teacher to me. YUCK. The worst, though, is when somebody's trying to grow facial hair out. I'm sorry, but do not get anywhere NEAR my face OR my coochie. That stuff is like Brillo.

Dop said...

Goatees. Never had one. Always had a beard when I chose to have facial hair. Chip - come and get me!